I can feel the 3’s starting to hit. You cry a lot. You throw yourself down and say I can’t at gymnastics a lot. I get frustrated a lot. Today I yelled a lot because you had so many accidents and you just got back on track from a regression in potty usage a few weeks ago. It’s very frustrating and I always feel bad and it’s worse when you cry. But it’s also so hard when I try to apologize and talk to you and you’re like: “ok mama.  Look a squirrel!”  I know you understand. I know you comprehend but your attention and ability to focus on a conversation is bill to none. Maybe I am expecting too much, but sometimes I just feel you can do better because I know you can because I’ve seen it. 

Needless to say, today was a trying day. Nope not even the whole day. Just from like 4pm on. I’m going to get a drink here soon because I need it. 

But I also have to say that as we say in the rocking chair together, reading our books just the two of us I was at peace. And then you had mama milk and fell asleep in my arms and I didn’t want to put you down. I don’t know how many more times that will happen so I want to remember your little face and hands forever. The was you nestle into me, and hold me in your little hand. Or when I sing to you in the dark, how you still caress my face like you did when you were little.  My heart aches for you to stay my little baby but I love to see you grow, as much as you frustrate me. I love that you still cuddle in deep and I am your center point. I will forever love that and hold onto it and try to always remember that. I LOVE you. I will ALWAYS love you. Even if I’m upset or yelling or crying, my heart is still full of love for you my little angel. My love.