So it’s currently 11:30pm and I have to be up about 3:30am. I’m having knee surgery. And as much as I hate the idea of it and I hate how much this is going to suck for you and for me and for your dad, I know it has to happen. I know it has a lot of potential to help me for the future.

But that doesn’t change my fears. My fear of being put under and not waking up. A fear I have always had, even before you. Or my fear of complications afterward, like blood clots. I have a huge fear of dying and leaving you.

People have this type of surgery all the time and have no issues. So I know it’s a lot of my anxiety. But I just want you to know that I love you all in my heart. I love you so powerfully that my fear of leaving you or losing you has become my biggest fear in life.

I really don’t even know what I should be writing. But I just wanted to remind you how much I truly do love you.